Life Anew

Emma counted one-hundred and ten blooming crocuses in our garden the other day. I think if I watched, I could see our daffodil shoots growing by the hour. Our pussy willow is in full bloom, bursting from tight silvery buds to yellow balls of fluff. The seeds, buried deep within Mother Earth's womb, are awakening. The chickens, I know, are quite pleased with green grass revealed by melting snow. And the kitties have even more spunk than usual.

Spring is here! A time of rebirth, renewal, hope, and a reminder that life goes on.

The week following my Father's death was a blur. We stumbled through time, days and nights blending together, and somehow survived. Looking back, the choices we made were more perfect than they could have been had we had time to plan.
We didn't know what my Father's wishes were, only that he wanted to be cremated. We asked for donations to be sent to a farm for retired or unwanted horses.
Instead of a funeral, we had a party at his favorite bar with music, drinks, food, people who loved him, and people he loved.
My Sister and I dug through old photos, making five large collages that we displayed prominently at his service. Some of the pictures were a bit off color, some were so funny you couldn't help but laugh out loud and all of them together painted a picture of who my Dad was.
My Dad was there, no doubt about it. You could feel him everywhere - in his play lists that flowed from the speakers, in every creamy bite of his favorite Amaretto cheese cake, on the faces and in the hearts of everyone who came to remember the good times they'd shared with My Dad.

The sadness is still with me, but rather than a constant vice grip around my heart, a punch to my gut, or a lump in my throat...it eases ever so slightly, becoming a warm memory within my heart, a swell of unconditional love, like that which I feel when I watch my children so intent in what they're doing. My Father has been filed away as a child in my heart, my child. My love for him feels maternal, protective and fierce; yet gentle.
With each day that the sun rises higher in the sky, the waves of peace washing over me come closer and closer together. Healing.